Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
