wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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