he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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