i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
