I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
