i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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