why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
