Sponge bath it is.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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