Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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