Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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