Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
