I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
