Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
