party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
