it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
