Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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