Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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