Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
barbara walters just said penis...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
