rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
