We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
