How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
accomplished twins. life is a go
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
