"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
