I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
