grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
