i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
