she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
