1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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