Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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