is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
