did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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