I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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