can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
