I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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