I need to stop coming to work sober
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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