Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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