If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
