can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
