I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
