I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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