Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
