He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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