'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
