she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
