I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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