Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
