UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
