Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
