I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
