My hand turned me down
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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