Where is the hickey?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
